“Did you put syrup on the dog?”

I was browsing online at some point within the past week or so when I came across a story about an Iowa man, a father of five boys, who collected a bunch of things he’s said to his kids over his time as a dad and made them into a children’s book. (If you’re interested, it’s called “Things I’ve Said to My Children,” by Nathan Ripperger.)

Any parent can probably relate, and reading some of the examples — like the above canine-related comment — made me laugh at out in sympathy and understanding. I’ve been there. You have to laugh or sometimes you’ll want to cry.

So, from memory with some help from Facebook, here’s “Things I’ve Said to My Children,” the Keppeler edition.

• “Where are your pants?” (This one gets said a little too often. I am, apparently, raising streakers.)
• “You do not need musical accompaniment in the bathroom.” (Presented without comment.)
• “How did the rooster get to the top of the curtain?” (It was stuffed, I swear. I never did get an answer, though. I think it’s still there ...)
• “Why did you try to vault your brother?” (I still wonder about this. I believe the answer, after all the crying and the first aid were over, was “Because he was there.”)
• “Why is there mustard in your hair?” (Sub in the food-ish substance of your choice.)
• “Land your X-wing and go get ready for school.” (I don’t recall if this referred to a video game or an action figure, but either is a possibility.)
• “Where are your pants? Again.” (Seriously, why is this so difficult?)
• “Don’t hit your brother with the lightsaber!” (This one has also been used multiple times.)
• “M&Ms are not breakfast. No, not even the peanut ones.” (We agree to disagree about this. Fruit snacks are also not breakfast.)
•  “It’s not too late to call Santa’s cell phone!” (On Christmas Eve. I’m not the parent who said it, though.)
• “Raw pork chops are NOT a good dinner!” (Uttered immediately after “I don’t care if it works fine in Minecraft!”)

Want to share your own? Email me and I’ll try to use them in a future column.

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Now that it’s autumn, it’s time for one of our favorite family traditions.

I grew up visiting Pumpkinville in Great Valley, and now, I try to make it there with the boys at least once a year. It’s nestled in the middle of the Cattaraugus County hills, which are probably gorgeous and multi-colored right now, and admission is free.

There’s a pumpkin patch and cider mill, activities such as a petting zoo and bounce area, corn maze and hayride (and more) and lots of good stuff to eat. (I have to get a pumpkin chocolate-chip muffin every year.) The small haunted barn is much the way I remember it from childhood, although Perky the Talking Pumpkin is now a plastic gourd. (Instead of a real one containing what was probably a tape recorder.)

Niagara County is home to many awesome places to go this time of year, as well, and I encourage you to support them. But if you’d like a road trip, check Pumpkinville out.

For more information, visit www.pumpkinville.com.

+Jill Keppeler will remember a dozen more funny things she’s said to her children the second after she sends in this column. Follow her on Twitter @JillKeppeler or email her at jillmkeppeler@msn.com.

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