IMDB Score: 6.9 out of 10
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 54% rotten

I am not sure how a movie gets above a 50% rating on Rotten Tomatoes but is still considered rotten. I guess I will have to read the actual scoring system at some point in the future. I am going to post these scores from now on since I reference them so often. By putting them at the top of the review, it leaves me more room to actually talk about the movies.

So let’s talk about cartoons and this notion that they are only kid’s movies. First of all, I love the minions. I got a minion case for my old iPhone from my kids for my birthday years ago and my wife added some minion cupcakes to my birthday celebration last year, so I love the minions. But there seems to be a truth about cartoons that Illumination Entertainment is not understanding, which is weird because they make some great cartoons. That truth is that if adults do not like your cartoon, then it shouldn’t be a movie. Minions would work great as a Cartoon Network show, but it just doesn’t work as a movie.

I am a fan of Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2, but only partly because of the minions. I think Gru is pretty funny too. My grandson loves the minions, but even he gets bored after watching them for around 20 minutes (if you understand a two-year-old’s obsession with watching the same thing over and over again then you know how short 20 minutes is). That is probably why I found Minions to be more boring than entertaining, and that really bothers me.

This movie will make a huge profit and probably pave the way for Despicable Me 3, which is what they should have been working on when they made Minions. The kids will love watching the minions run around and do silly things and there is just enough slapstick in this movie to make everyone laugh at least once, but the movie never takes off and it never grabs you by the throat and makes you laugh consistently.

The biggest cartoon of the summer so far is Inside Out by Pixar. It is clever, funny, and adults as well as kids can relate to it. That is the formula for a successful cartoon major motion picture that, up until now, Illumination seemed to have under control. Minions has been so hyped for so long that it will turn a profit, but I would not expect this spinoff to generate any sequels that will be released into theaters.

The movie is about these strange, pill-shaped little beings that are from Earth (I originally read last year that the minions would be from outer space) and live their lives to serve the most despicable villain available. After a couple thousand years of nothing but mishaps, three minions (Kevin, Bob, and Stuart) head out to find the ultimate villain for the minions to serve. They wind up getting on board with Scarlett Overkill and hilarity should have ensued at that point.
The problem is that the movie relies entirely too much on the minions doing slapstick jokes and the notion that the minions speak gibberish (sorry uptight parent that thinks the minion toy is swearing - it isn’t). The jokes in this movie consist of the minions treating a gallows like a jungle gym and referring to the Queen of England as La Cucaracha. None of the jokes come from the storyline and I really hate it when a movie does that (Seth MacFarlane, I am looking at you).

The movie is mostly about only three minions, which is a problem because it is the rapid-fire, haphazard nature of the minions interacting as a group that makes them funny. Since this is a full-length movie, we are also forced to feel sad for the minions at a couple of points. I really do not want to feel sad for the minions because that just ruins the notion of what the minions are. They are comic relief and quick one-liners – and that is it.

Gru appears at the end of this movie and even though he is only in it for a minute or two, his scene turns out to be funnier than most of the rest of the movie. The minions simply are not funny without Gru and Dr. Nefario. They are not able to carry an entire movie and they are not lead characters.

That does not mean that people should stop buying minion toys and products, because these little guys are still awesome. I am also not saying you should not see this movie. If you have little ones, then this would be a fun night for them. But Minions violates the primary objective of successful full-length feature cartoons in that it is not appealing to adults. It is fun to watch, it just gets dull after a while.

Rating: 2 ½ out of 5

+George N Root III  is a drive-in fanatic who is looking forward to a July and August filled with awesome movies. Follow him on Twitter @georgenroot3 or send him an email at georgenroot3@gmail.com. Join the conversation about this movie and others at https://www.facebook.com/enpatthedrivein.

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