This drive-in season is not getting off to a great start as the first three movies we have gone to see have been really, really bad. At least Furious 7 had the decency to play to its audience and put out a movie that was entertaining to the franchise’s large, worldwide audience. The first Paul Blart movie came out in 2009 and was a huge financial success, but failed miserably with the critics. In the movie business, money talks louder than the critics and a sequel was put into motion.

It took six years to create a sequel to a movie that was based on Kevin James falling down and acting like a jittery moron for 90 minutes. With such names as Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Nick Bakay signing on to be part of the sequel after delivering pure magic together in the first Paul Blart movie, we were assured of a comedic masterpiece that would change the way we look at comedy. Or we would get another pile of garbage that, this time, people would refuse to go see.

I had no expectations at all for Paul Blart 2 and the movie couldn’t even reach that level. There were two moments where we actually laughed at the movie and one of those moments didn’t even involve Kevin James. The Blart schtick gets old very quickly and this was another movie where we wanted to leave after only 15 or 20 minutes, but decided to hang out and see if it got any better.

I actually like Kevin James’ stand-up material and I thought that the King of Queens was a funny show. But I fail to see how James’ jittery delivery is supposed to translate to the big screen. I hate to say it, but his weight is his biggest movie punchline and that gets old quickly as well. In Paul Blart 2, there was just too much focus on the idea of a “fat guy running around doing stuff” instead of developing good comedy. I could not help but think that the Paul Blart franchise is something that Jim Carrey could have probably made funny because, well, Jim Carrey can act.

There are so many tired and overused clichés in this movie that there isn’t enough space to list all of them. The more dominant ones are “fat guy gets hot chick” and “daughter of inept father somehow learns to be more competent at his job than he is.” It wasn’t until Mini Kiss showed up towards the end of the movie that any laughs could be heard in our car or any of the cars around us. Two vehicles left the movie early, and I envied them.

I know it is comedy, but there were also way too many instances of things happening that just did not make any sense or have any basis in reality whatsoever. For example, Paul Blart somehow ends up with a wig at the end of the movie, but yet we never see any way in which he was able to procure such a wig. Then we get to watch as Paul Blart somehow plays the role of two people to fool the bad guy, but when Blart turns around to reveal himself, he is the only one there. Where did the other guy go that was just standing next to you? Where the hell did you get that wig???

I found myself asking too many questions throughout the movie to enjoy it. I really tried to just let this be the dumb comedy it was supposed to be, but the movie simply is not funny at all. The jokes are old, the slapstick is the old fat guy schtick and the story … what the hell was the story anyways?

The point is that Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is just as bad as the title makes it sound. Kevin James needs to stick to stand-up and get the hell away from Adam Sandler. I am not sure how Adam Sandler is continually allowed to make movies, but he needs to stop because he is making Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow look funny and that is not easy.

Rating: 1/8 out of 5

+George N Root III is a drive-in junkie who is able to watch movies like Paul Blart 2 only because he is at the drive-in. Next week is when the summer really starts with the Avengers movie! It is about time!

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