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Monday, April 13, 2015

Finally, the drive-in is open and opening night was great! The Sunset was hopping and I cannot help but wonder if the notice in the ENP about the drive-in being open helped. Mario and Denise looked great and they are anxious to get the season underway.

Let me just start this review off by saying that if you like the car porn that is the Fast and Furious series, then you will like Furious 7. If you are hoping for a good movie that has a lot of diverse elements in it, then you are going to be disappointed.

The people who make the Fast and Furious movies know their audience and they are playing heavily to that core, revenue-generating group. It almost appears as though the movie makers are not interested in expanding that audience because Furious 7 is not the kind of movie that would draw new fans to the franchise. I actually like Fast and Furious 5, so I did have some decent expectations for this movie. But I want you guys to know that the only reason my wife and I stayed to the end of this movie was because I knew I had to review it for you. Otherwise, we would have left halfway through.

For what this movie was designed to do, it is actually brilliant. The car porn genre that the Fast and Furious movies has created is a lot like real porn. The acting is awful, the dialogue is painful, but the car scenes are really satisfying. In that way, this movie is exceedingly brilliant in its execution. But if you are not a fan of the Fast and Furious concept, then this movie is not going to convert you.

I can suspend disbelief with the best of them, but this movie asks way too much of my ability to live in a fantasy world for two hours. There are only so many times I can watch people surviving the process of jumping out of cars moving at 80 MPH before I actually start to feel insulted. Even I know that a head-on collision is fatal for several reasons and a person does not need to be launched through the windshield to die in a head-on collision. These types of incidents happen continuously throughout the movie and, after a while, it just became too much.

To go along with the completely infuriating liberties taken with common sense was the banal and even childish dialogue. Normally, I am the kind of guy who can find a few one-liners in any movie to be entertaining and interesting. But there was absolutely nothing about the dialogue in Furious 7 that was interesting, humorous, or even necessary.

If you like nearly naked female butts and some extremely sexy cars, then you will find reasons to like Furious 7. I was able to turn my brain off for a while and just take in the action for small stretches of time. Even the fighting scenes were fairly interesting for a while, but they tended to drag on too long and take away from car porn screen time.

The one part of the movie that my wife and I both enjoyed was the tribute to Paul Walker. The manner in which the movie makers allowed Walker’s character to be retired from the franchise was dignified and even heartfelt. There is no denying the strong emotions associated with the loss of Walker throughout the cast and crew. The loving tribute to Walker at the end of the movie was well done and enjoyable to watch. Unfortunately, the tribute to Walker simply could not save this car wreck of a movie.

Rating: 1 out of 5

+George N Root III is a drive-in fanatic who is ecstatic that the drive-in is finally open for the season. He does not drive fast or furious, but he does appreciate the genius of a movie made for a specific audience.

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